I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize