this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
