Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
