i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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