so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
