pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think i have two assholes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
