and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
