Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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