i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
