Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
