Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
