She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
