I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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