I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
4 words: hood of his car
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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