I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
