So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
