ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
