I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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