so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
