why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
