So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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