it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
