I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
