its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
