I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
