we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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