what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
