Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
