Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
