I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
