im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
