This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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