after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
