According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
