you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
