dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
