I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
