Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
