I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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