hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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