so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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