At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The dick lei will go down in squad history
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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