Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
