My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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