Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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