The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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