I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
