So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
