I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
