I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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