The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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