we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
