Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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