even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
