I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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