Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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