today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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