i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize