she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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