Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
