dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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