how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I could fuck to npr.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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