It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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