he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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