the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
