I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
