Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
