hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
