Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
