I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
