im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
