I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
