How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
