Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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