smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where is the hickey?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
