dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
