just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
