can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
