you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
