Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
