operation have a gay friend backfired
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
